Green Bay Hackers 2 - 0 Average Joes
Attendance 23,000 GBH 7,000 - 16,000 AJ
Winnings GBH 70,000 - 60,000 AJ
Casualties caused GBH 5 - 1 AJ
Due to an unexpected travel mix up by Greenskins Inc, Accident & Emergency mistakenly headed off for the Greener Pastures league while the Green Bay Hackers turned up for the Wigan Bowl. Having played in the retirement league for the last half decade the Hackers were keen to take advantage of the mix up and see if the grass was indeed greener back in the big leagues. A quick consult with the League authorities and the match was given the green light (always a good omen for Orc teams).
Upon finding that A&E were not playing (and that the concession stand announced they would therefore have to take Snotling jam off the menu) a large proportion of the greenskin fans began to cheer for "Da hoomies". It was a hostile welcome back to the Wigan Bowl for the Hackers, but that's how they like it (they also like Snotling jam and were just as disappointed as the fans to see it come off the menu).
Libsham Sheepworrier kicked off for the Orcs. A kind bounce saw the ball quickly gathered up and the humans moved forward confidently. What they didn't realise at this point was that bounce was pretty much all the good fortune they would get over the course of the game. Play quickly became bogged down in the middle of the field as the Joes sought to exploit the wings and the Hackers countered with cautious defensive screen.
Halfway through the first half the play took a decisive turn in favour of the Hackers. A failed dodge by the Joes provided an opening. Ratbez the Destroyer cleared a route to the ball carrier for Blocker Lukgot Bigbelly to Blitz the Joes ball carrier (who was promptly carried from the field of play). Simultaneously Niflet Elfbotherer pushed his opposite number into the crowd (never to be seen again) and Nuggizurth the Brutal took advantage of the distracted ref to stomp on another Joe, sending him to the injured box too.
With numbers on their side there was room for Thrower Bigsub Nosepicker to gather the ball and complete a quick pass to Blitzer Pigink the Strong who stretched his legs and headed for the end zone. Ever cautious from years of working with Snotlings and Ogres the Hackers coach urged his players to run down the clock, which they duly did, along with running down another two Joes, knocking the out, and stomping on any others foolish enough to fall down (although not managing any further injuries).
Some poor tactical play from the Hackers allowed the Joes to sufficiently pressure the ball to force the score before the end of the half, however even this tactically astute play from the Joes backfired as a further player was ko'd before halftime.
The second half saw the Hackers receiving, and put under immediate pressure by an incredible kick off that bounced back into the Joes half of the pitch. Fortunately for the Hackers, the Joes were only able to field 7 players which allowed them to protect the ball. After a couple of turns of clearing space Bigsub Nosepicker was able to gather up the ball and the throng of players and move down the sideline.
It appeared that the Hackers were in complete control but it was almost turned completely on its head by probably the best play in the game. Joes managed to put some pressure on Bigsub, with their powerful goulish centre negating the support he had around him. Then an audacious blitz move that involved 4 dodges in and out of tackle zones plus a double sprint resulted in an evens block that put Bigsub on the floor and almost saw the Joes goul catch the ball while surrounded by Hackers. Instead the ball scattered to the sideline where the Joes managed to retrieve it and began looking long upfield at a one-on-one tussle well out of the reach of any other players.
Seeing the danger the Hackers Blocker, Noglet the mighty, threw a crushing block into his lone opponent, breaking his neck. With the immediate threat removed the Hackers pushed the Joes ball carrier into the crowd and held their breath to see where it would come out. Fortunately for the Hackers that section of fans held their supporters and one threw the ball back amongst the throng of Hackers players while the rest were busy dismembering the unfortunate Joe. With only 4 players left on the field the Joes were powerless to prevent Pigink the Strong scoring his, and the Hackers', second of the day.
While the Average Joes had terrible luck throughout the whole game (given the number of trips they sustained some fans even suspected that the Hackers' wizard had cast an entangling enchantment on the team's laces) there was some small comfort for them right at the end of the game as another improbable block, this time on the ever distracted Rotfin Bumscratcher, put the Orc down with a fractured jaw.
In the end it was a fairly comfortable 2-0 win for the Green Bay Hackers but this was predominantly down to the awful luck endured by Average Joes. If the Hackers are to prosper they'll need to show that they can make there own luck as much as they can benefit from their opponents ill luck. The Joes will lick their wounds and can take some solace that they must surely have exhausted all their bad luck in the tournament in this one match.