Gameweek 1: Fixtures, Results and Match Reports

  • Please use this thread to schdule your games and write up any match reports.


    Only 2 games, the full season kicks off in gameweek 2, with this weeks teams receiving byes in one of the forthcoming gameweeks.


    Please see the coach availability table (below) when organising your games.


    Home teams are listed first (see The Manual for stadium advantages)


    Average Joes (Darren) v Lancashire Rainbows AFC (Alan)

    Da Black Gulf Badboyz (Glenn) v Ming's Minions (Shaun)


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    Better lives have been lived in the margins, locked in prisons, and lost on the gallows, than have ever been enshrined in palaces.

  • According to the coach availability table (above), Shaun is working (he does mad days on/days off sequences).

    Better lives have been lived in the margins, locked in prisons, and lost on the gallows, than have ever been enshrined in palaces.

  • Joes 2-1 Rainbows


    The Rainbows supporters took advantage of the pleasant summer weather to take an 8,000 strong horde to the home of the Joes for their first ever game.

    With a massive 790k in inducements, the fans were delighted to see Ripper and Nobbla walk onto the pitch in the red and white cheques of the Rainbows, with money to spare to bribe the ref, one Ranulf ‘Red’ Hokuli.


    Hokuli’s reputation for spotting fouls made the Rainbows change their gameplan to a more sportsmanlike affair, which felt alien after their pre-season drills of kicking downed snotlings in the face.


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    The goblin kick-off was good, landing on the line of scrimmage right in front of Wizbit, but when he started whirling his ball and chain, he only succeeded in knocking the ball into a space advantageous for the Joes to pick up, which they duly did, and began working it up the pitch, knocking and shoving the gobbos around as they did so.


    The mayhem was increased when a mad ogre threw a second fanatic onto the pitch, his ball and chain spinning round his head in a whirl so intense that he lasted just one turn before wrapping the chain around his own neck and decapitating himself.


    Some poor Rainbow positioning, and Chard’s whole-half Really Stupid session enabled the Joes to manoeuvre the ball down the wing, and score, despite the hired gobbo wizard blasting the ball carrier senseless.


    With two Bloodweiser kegs and three bribes, the plan was to bring regular gobbos onto the pitch for the remainder of the first half and bribe the ref into allowing the secret weapons on for the second.


    Unfortunately, the four KO rolls went badly (two 1’s) and then Hokuli showed everyone how truly bent he was by only accepting one of the three bribes (two more 1’s, yep, out of 7 die rolls, 4 were 1’s).


    So the rainbows lost their secret weapons for the second half, lining what they had on the line of scrimmage for the remainder of the first. Nobbla impressed at this point by chansawing himself in the face and spraying the opposition in gore. The idiot.


    1-0 down at half time, but receiving in the second half, saw the Rainbows in possession for just one turn of the entire game..... but what a glorious turn it was; Reblit scooped up the ball, handed it to Ammo, who was then launched downfield by Stanley and swooped his way to an empty space to run in unimpeded for the equaliser.


    And that was it as far as the Rainbows were concerned. The superior strength of the Joes kept the goblins at bay as they worked the ball up the field, controlling the clock expertly and scoring the winner in the last turn.

    Better lives have been lived in the margins, locked in prisons, and lost on the gallows, than have ever been enshrined in palaces.