Wigan Bowl 2018

  • And this is it folks the game we have all been waiting for, so take your hands of the wenches, and fill your tankards! Its time for the 2018 Wigan Bowl!


    We are here at the Rockfort stadium, home of the Ratlanta Falchions, and the crowds have turned out in record numbers for a chance to see the unbelievably magnificent and all round great guys that make up the Ratlanta Falchions. Also, there are some elves here or something.


    The Falchion's fans are out in force and significantly outnumber the few Darksider fans that have bothered showing up. (+2 FAME for the Ratlanta Falchions)


    The conditions are looking about as good as they can in this sweaty cavern so the teams decide to get underway. The Darksiders win the toss and eagerly decide that receiving sounds wonderful which appears to have generated a giggle from the crowds. The players are all lined up including the Falchion's newly hired Rat Ogre 'Pinky' and the ball flies skyward or ceiling-ward as the case may be.


    And the elves appear to have scored. Well that's disappointing. (1-0 to the Darksiders). It also seems like one of the Falchion linerats has done something unfortunate to his innards. Eyes turn to the apothecary but after a quick word with the coach he licks his lips and lights the fire under the soup cauldron.


    Play restarts with a kick to the Falchions and 'Pinky' the Rat Ogre is rubbing his knuckles as he decides to show the unfortunate mooch opposite what his organs look like but he appears to have tripped over his own tail! What a dick.




    The Darksiders make the most of the opportunity and are looking likely to make it two when out of nowhere Huckitfar the Falchion thrower makes a glorious play to steal the ball and throw it downfield to Gizitbiglegs' waiting furry arms!



    And he is through! He make a series of lightning dodges and the Darksiders don't know what is going on! it glorious! it beautiful! It's a play to tell you children about! It's..... oh he fell over, and he appears to be out for the count. What a dick.



    After a bit a scrabbling from both teams the Falchions finally manage to draw level (1-1 at half time) and the teams go off for half time refreshments. It looks like the linerat from earlier has made enough sandwiches for the whole team.


    The second half begins and the Falchions scoop up the ball and turn to Pinky to make a hole. All eyes on Pinky as he looks to make ammends for his first half blunder. He strides up to the helpless looking elf but he proves too nimbly-bimbly and Pinky goes down clutching his bruised knackers. What a dick.



    Once again the Darksider capitalise on Pinky's ineptitude and stride in another effortless goal. (2-1 to the Darksiders)


    As play gets under way again its looking promising once more as the Falchions manage to push through down the wing and build up some protection for Cheezit who has his eyes on the goal line.



    The elves defend well but surely Pinky can simple brush the elves aside and..... oh for f*** sake.... What a dick!



    Well that's it folks the elves scoop the ball and the few remaining Falchion players can do very little as it is passed up field and the Darksiders run in what is surely the winner (3-1 to the Darksiders).



    Well that's your lot folks. What a horrible game from start to finish. The Darksider coach sure looks pleased with himself though. What a dick.


  • The dice Gods simply couldn't allow the trophy to fall into the hands of an unpainted team. Pinky was doubly unlucky that he hadn't even been undercoated. That's like a lightning rod for divine bad luck.


    Behold your 2018 Wigan Bowl champions.


    We look forward to defending our title next year. By any means necessary.